A Letter To You

January 21, 2017

"Those who pass by us, do not go alone, and do not leave us alone; they leave a bit of themselves, and take a little of us.”
-Antoine de Saint-Exupéri                                                                                                                                                     




20th of January of 2017

Dear grandfather,
Today is the day, a year ago, on the 20th of January of 2016 you left me, you left us all, your family, your friends, everything, you left the world.
Before this happened I always thought that a heart broken by some boy was the worst pain in the world, little did I know how wrong I was. You were the first person i really love who died. You were the first person to show me how it feels like, loosing someone to death, which is an unbearable pain.
I still don't understand why it happened...why to you, and why on that day? Though the day doesn't do a lot of difference, because there will never be a good day to lose someone. I guess we were just unlucky.
I never had the conscience about how bad your state was until the day you needed a pacemaker, and when you finally got it, it wasn't working how it should, and you needed a new heart.
Everyone said you would be fine, that we just needed to wait, but the waiting become hopeless. Months and months passed by, and you were still in the hospital waiting for a heart transplant, and we were still at home waiting for you to get better. We waited, we dreamed, we hoped, we believed, but in the end all our hopes and fairy tales, were just that, tales that weren't real, and with that we lost you.
On the 19th of January, we got the news that you couldn't fight any longer, before that, I was just staring at the window, to grey-blueish sky, thinking about you, and suddenly I felt this pain in my heart, I looked down, put my hand on my chest, and when I looked up again, it had started snowing. I felt that it was a sign, that later got confirmed as your last hours.
In the 19th we got the news, you died in the morning of the 20th, and we flew home to you, to your goodbye in the same day, in the 21st we buried you, and on that same day, we went back home to Cascais, and on the 23rd I celebrated my 17th birthday, or the ones around me did, to me that day was just a normal day. I mean how ironic is it that we were celebrating another year of my life, when yours had just ended. And now every three days before my birthday I will always remember what happened in the January of 2016...
I hope you know, I will always love you, and you will always have a special place in my heart, I hope you know that to me you are a fighter, a hero. And even though you lost the war, you won so many battles that I won't forget. I hope you are resting, because you deserve it, you deserve all the rest you can get.
You will never be forgotten grandpa, and you will always be loved.

With love, Andreia Coelho
Your granddaughter.


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